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Loving an Addict

Addiction is not something that only affects the person with the addiction and the ones closest to them when it is “active.” It influences the entire system that the individual is part of. Systems theory assumes that human behavior is the result of a larger system comprised of several elements, including the relationship between these elements, as well as external factors like their environment. These factors could involve a person’s family, peers. School, work, or community.Once addiction is introduced into a system – whether it be family, friends, co-workers, it has forever changed that system. Many who are living with an addiction will tell you that once you admit that you have an addiction, you will forever be a person with an addiction. You may be in recovery, but you never fully “recover” in the traditional sense of the word. You learn to manage the symptoms that lead you to use the substance(s). I was married to a man with an addiction for 7 years. I have friends who are in

General Resources for Single Parents

WELLNESS U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Mental Health National Alliance on Mental Health Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration Addiction Group Detox Rehabs Alcohol Rehabilitation Support Group Nutrition Empowering Solo Moms Everywhere Empowered Single Mom Single Parent Support Groups Mens Group PARENTING American Academy of Pediatrics Healthy Children Kids Health Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) PBS Parents Autism Speaks Designing the Perfect Playroom for Children with Autism Modifying your Backyard for Special Needs Children ECONOMICS Financial Help for Single Moms Grants for Single Mother Single Moms Income Making Sense of Cents Wealthy Single Mommy

Financial Resources for Single Parents

In 2019, the CDC reported that nearly 40 percent of marriages in the United States end in divorce . As these new single parents learn to navigate their new world of managing family life on an emotional, financial,and spiritual level, they may seek resources that they may not have needed while managing a family in a two-parent home. I have often heard single parents discuss how challenging it is to manage the financial aspect of raising a child as a single parent. Following are several financial resources I hope you find useful: Family Benefits What to Expect Single Parent Guide Single Mother Guide Single Moms Income Assistance for Single Moms Scholarships for Moms Grants for Single Mothers Fiscal Tiger Go Fund Me Need Help Paying Bills Making Sense of Cents Wealthy Single Mommy

Limiting Beliefs That Keep Her From Dating

It has been three years since my divorce. I would love to start dating again. It has been 12 years since I've been on a date! Gulp! I’m a “single mom.” My focus: KIDS, WORK, and HOME. Am I scared to "go back out there" - as if out there is the jungle? It can feel a bit primitive out there. No lie. It's intimidating. I can write about all the reasons that single moms need to explore new relationships, but it's a lot more challenging to put the advice into action. There are many single moms who put off getting back into the dating scene. For all of the single moms who tell me they look forward to dating again, and there are just as many who are apprehensive. But, what's holding them back? The one thing that’s quickest to hold you back is your belief about what it means to be a single mom – rules and role included. You may struggle with the desire to want to date against your perception that dating will ta

Getting Over the Pandemic Wall

It’s July of 2021. We have survived over a year of the pandemic. Vaccines are becoming more available. People are deciding whether-or-not they want to get vaccinated. There’s a noticeable divide between those who have been vaccinated, those who are thinking about being vaccinated, but haven’t made the commitment, and those who refuse to be vaccinated. The mandate to wear a mask has been lifted in many areas for those who have been vaccinated. We are slowly returning to work. Some, who have been working remote the last year, have made the decision to work remotely on an indefinite basis. Kids are near the end of the school year. Parents are thinking about summer activities. Traveling is becoming more readily permitted. Some are still isolating, while others are slowly starting to socialize more. Although the end of the pandemic may be closer than it was months ago, life still feels uncertain. Consequently, many of us are experiencing what psychologists call “pandemic-related burnout” or

Motherhood: A National Crisis

I read an article in 2019 in Psychology Today that said that the United States needs to make “saving mothers” a national priority. The author, Dr. Alison Escalante , wrote her article based on an examination of a book by sociologist Caitlyn Collins titled Making Motherhood Work: How Women Manage Careers and Caregiving.   Her study takes her to four wealthy western countries – Germany, Italy, Sweden, and the United States.   Over five years, Collins conducts in-depth interviews with 135 middle-class women on how they balance working and motherhood alongside the different work-family policies that exist in each country. Her findings reveal that U.S. moms are at a greater disadvantage when compared to the other three countries. The report finds that a U.S. mother’s career gets trapped among the impossible ideals of a perfect balance between work and home. Consequently, U.S. mothers are overwhelmed by the stress of striving to meet an impossible expectation. Collins research set out

Setting Short Term Goals

When I separated from my ex and moved myself and my two kids into my mother’s home, I had one goal: “to stay focused.” The decision to leave my husband failed to account for one small detail: I would be a single parent. When I came to that realization, I was sitting in my mom’s living room with 4 little eyes staring at me waiting for my next move. Wow – the pressure! The first thing I did was have a proper meltdown. Next, I blamed everyone close to me for allowing me to make such a stupid decision.  Project. Project. Project! Finally, I got back on track! I started to make short term goals. Why short term? Short term goals are achievable in a shorter period of time – days to several months – than long term goals. The shorter time frame allows for a faster “pay on investment.” How do you set short term goals?   You may have heard of the acronym “SMART.” What does it stand for? How does it work?                                                         

Addiction Rules the Family System

According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s ( SAMHSA ) National Survey on Drug Use and Health, published in 2017, 8.7 million children live with parents who have a substance use disorder. So, what is addiction? As a society, we throw around the word “addiction” in everyday language: I’m addicted to the Mochas at Starbucks. I’m addicted to that nail polish. Chocolate is addictive. I’m addicted to that new reality show. Addiction is a condition in which a person engages in the use of a substance or in a behavior for which the rewarding effects provide a compelling incentive to repeatedly pursue the behavior despite detrimental consequences. Psychology Today I was married to a recovering addict for seven years. My son had just turned two, and my daughter was four-months old when their father and I separated. For me, attempting to raise two children with a spouse who was battling addiction was overwhelming - emotionally and physica